Some days being a mother is hard enough, doubting your abilities and if your kids are turning out alright. Throw in a dairy farm to manage with your husband and you really start to doubt if you have enough time for everything.
The other day my oldest daughter and I were dropping her friend off from a playdate. From the back seat of the van she asked why we couldn't live in city. I explained that it would be to far to drive to be here to take care of the animals. In her frustration for life in the big city she says, "I just want a better life." My eyes welled up with tears. I think my heart broke right in half. She could tell I was upset and asked me what was wrong. I just said, " Hmpf, I thought that was what I was giving you this whole time."
Before we bought the cows I was working full time off the farm and she was in day care. After Emma was born we decided that we wanted the girls home with us and I would take a bigger role in the dairy. I started milking the night milking after work and milked up until the night that I was induced with Emma. (I think my OB thought I was crazy when I asked if we could push it back a couple of hours so I could finish chores.) After Emma was born I quit my job and started milking twice a day. Little by little I weaseled more responsibility from my father-in-law and hadn't looked back until that afternoon when Tess uttered that little sentence.
That little sentence that turned me inside out for a week. Had my love of farming, the animals, the hours and responsibility gotten in the way of me being a mom. I always tell myself that anything worth doing is worth doing 100%. Had I been giving 100% of myself to the farm and only 50% to being a mom. I love seeing the girls with a baby calf or running with the chickens, holding an egg in there hand.
After a lot of thought I have to remember that when I found my way here, I found home. I wasn't raised on a farm and I got to explore a lots of options and experiences that led me here. Now I just have to watch Tess explore and let her experiences lead her on her path. But I would be lying if I didn't hope a little that it would lead her back to where Farminz Fun!
